Its amazing how trying life can become, how everything around you seems like it couldn't get worse than this...
Its been one of those seasons where God is testing me for a higher purpose, and its a battle that has new battlefields and armies to fight on a daily basis. How amazing also that God teaches me what He is doing in my life whilst I battle to keep my faith and thus my sanity.
My day is incomplete without my trusty 'Daily Bread' bible reading and message. From the start of this week, God has been comming down from heaven to talk to me through this little booklet. On Monday God spoke to me about how every good gift and every perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights (James 1:12-20)- it was about God's unconditional love for me, for all of us. On Tuesday I was struck hard in the office which drove me to tears... It was then that I read Psalm 54, the Daily Bread reading for the day... In short God told me that He is 'my Helper' (v4). God knew and felt my tears as I cried out to Him for strength. Wednesday was just a myriad of mishaps - sadly its only today that I realized what God had spoken to me about the day before; James 1:2-3 says 'My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the trying of your faith worketh patience', it says further that I could seek God's wisdom by just asking for it in faith... and finally verse 8 of the same chapter says that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways... yes, I was unstable, which meant I was double-minded. Double-minded about God's love and security and promises. I doubted God by not trusting Him; not waiting on Him (Blessed is he that waits on the Lord), not believing that His grace IS sufficient for me! How awful God must feel everytime we cease to trust Him. God is constantly trying to prove His undying love for us but we never let Him... How grieved I am right now that I refused my Father of lights, and with all my heart I ask for His forgiveness and put my hand in the hand of the Lord... Our awesome God!