Repentent Love

Looking back the number of relationships I've been in is countless; each time i was searching for that one thing - true, unconditional love. Fact is I didnt quite know myself what true love entailed all I knew is that I wanted it!

Crazy as it was - and not surprising as it turned out - I was sourly disappointed. I'm not afraid to say that my 'got dumped' box far exceeds by 'dumped' box... If there is one thing I hold true at this point is that I am the dumbest thing walking when it comes to choosing the right guy!

It hasnt been all bad - there were some pretty good souls, and one very good one. Unfortunately the issue of wrong place, wrong time came up and oh well... thats that!

The reason I'm somewhat chirpy about my lack of discernment for men is because I know that its not my decision anymore! And I've found my lack of love in Jesus - today my world seemed actually brighter, my face softer and my spirits souring. today I could tell myself that nothing was going to bring me down and say it confidently knowing that Jesus was right there to make sure nothing happened! All this was a result of a transformation Jesus was doing not just in my life but in the lives of my fellow brothers and sisters in church.

This Sunday in church is what I like call 'Repentance Sunday'. We have been having a tough month as a church. The Lord was really chastening us about sin and lack of commitment and arrogance in our hearts. We were as a church and as individuals pretty caught up in our 'earthly world' and put our 'spiritual world' second! Week in week out, we faced constant rebuke, and from a church that used to hear from the Lord everytime we met - we became routine, and mundane and the presence of the Lord was harldy felt...

Since this turn around it has taken my tiny, but oh so precious church weeks to sort out its heart. As a token of physical faith and repentance we had to jot down every single sin on paper for this Sunday. I took out one blank sheet of paper thinking it would suffice, only to find that i needed 10 more! And yes I used both sides of the sheet. Each one of us were compelled to get in tune with Jesus - if there was one thing we wanted as a church it was to get right with the Lord. So as a community and as individuals we wrote down every thing from so called minute sins to the really big ones... How amazing it is that we are so very flawed.

The run up to this Sunday was simply amazing also. Some of us had heard from the Lord including me - really positive scriptures about the reward for those that repented and warnings also to not return to sin and even more amazing; scriptures about the calling of the church itself! Jesus gave our little congregation the sweetest word -that He likes to dwell with us and visit us in His dwelling place!

Come Sunday morning there we were with our sheets of paper waiting to symbolically burn them - during worship, which was so uplifting - i heard a distinct command, which i have never heard before; I was led in the middle of worship to turn my bible to Luke 15:21. I thought it was another rebuke because it was about the prodigal son confessing that he is not worthy of his father's love. Then I read on till verse 24 where the son decided to go back home to his father and the father hearing of this ran out in joy to meet him half way! I shared that word with the church and my heart lept for joy because I knew that Jesus had accepted my call of repentence and forgiven me. Suddenly I felt a rush of love that I had felt only when I received water baptism a year ago. I also realised how far away I had fallen from the Lord and His Presence.

My joy was only going to get better when later on my pastor told me that God is going to use me to build His church. I feel so honoured and blest - for as was told to me a few days earlier, my first job on this world is to do God's will and secondly to do the will of whatever else... I was worried cos I didnt know what God wanted me to do - now I know that I just have to be led...

My overwhelming feeling was a rush of pure, unadulterated love; wave upon wave of the love of God... I've been on a high ever since and want to cling tightly to it cos it feels so very good.

I know that I am finally at a place where the Lord can work in me and through me and I know that this is the good future which was prophesied over me some weeks ago... Isnt it great to know that great things lie ahead of you?

I know that God's grace is sufficient for me and that I will be able to 'go boldly before His throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need' (Hebrews 4:16). This was the word chosen for me in the beginning of this year.

How vast and great is God's plan for us when all He wants of us is to love Him with all our heart and with all our soul... Alleluia!