Learning to accept that you are nothing without God

This weekend was an awakening for me. Thinking that I was doing fine with my relationship with God only to feel like a complete Homer Simpson when I found out how much I had broken the Lord's heart...

There was something I had not totally given up to Him there was something that as usual I thought I could handle. I didnt want to burden the Lord, it didnt matter that He is omniscient and omnipresent and simply wants to carry all our burdens for us, big or small! I carried and harboured this burden for months and it ate me up because I knew it was the one thing blocking God's glory from entering my life. I realize now that even though i could feel the presence of God when i worshipped it still wasnt complete; there was more that He so wanted to give if I had only done the same.

I have prayed about it but not completely in faith and that was wrong... I knew that going public with my 'issue' would only mean hurting the people I love the most - so again I got back to being the great protector!

Yesterday, we were given a rude but much needed awakening! We had as a congregation got complacent with the Lord. Not one of us were blameless. I, yes I, was and probably still is a hypocrite without loyalty to God or the Church! A hard one to swallow but true nonetheless. It proved to me that i dont dig deep enough into the roots of my own heart and dredge up the crap thats at the bottom, the stuff that clogs up God's way in my life. I realised that I was selfish, stubborn and damn self centered and that was a horrible feeling. I later realised in the day through God's intervention that my 'private issue' became a 'public one'! You know what? My prayers were answered and God had realised that He had to intervene without me pandering along!

It was a blow out but a much needed one - one that had to be sorted out among people, people that i love dearly. I know now that God has restored my soul from the sin of silence and that block in my life has been removed! yet again He has proved that he is the Author of Life and I am glad that God took control just when i was going to give up on being a Christian! yes, I was really going to do that. I thought to myself 'I'm not cut out for this'. How wonderful my Jesus is who thought 'no she is precious enough to save', even though i feel like the scum of the earth! When this happened I learned that there was one thing that is said in the Bible - 'My yoke is easy and my burden is light'... The more I harboured this burden the heavier it got; but today I am as free as an eagle! In the Bible Jesus also says; 'go and sin no more' - I have been given that choice and I know that my walk with Jesus has to be closer than what it was. I am truly nothing without Him!

There are going to be some good changes in my life - I'm a hard shell to crack but I know that even though I may give up on God sometimes He will never give up on me. How wonderful to know that in everything in life there's always a way, whether its from the very jaws of death - with Jesus there is always, always an answer, all you have to do is truthfully - and I emphasise; truthfully say 'Jesus, I have sinned, and I have shamed You, I am sorry with all my heart, dont turn away from me Lord, cos I need you to get me thru this, I need you. Take me; Hear I am'. Jesus sees straight into the heart of man and if He sees genuine repentance He is there with His arms wide open!

I have trusted Him before - I just need to keep on trusting Him and be more vigilent that I dont hurt the closest thing to my heart and try to mend the broken threads with prayer and heartfelt repentence...

Please seek Jesus today - He is all that you will ever need, and thats a promise!