Am I Righteous?

Today's Bible reading has a very, very interesting and hopeful phrase. Its taken from Psalm 55:22, which says, 'God will never let the righteous fall down'

Now it also raises the question of 'am I righteous?'. Today is my mother's brithday, our relationship has always been strained and its one that causes me to fall away from God which ever way I choose to go. If I stay we argue, if I leave her we don't talk at all! The latter being a far better option at the moment and so I have been living on my own for nearly a year now.

I know that the bible says we should honour our father's and mother's, scripture further outlines that parents are given God-like importance and we as children are to obey them as we obey God. What happens then if our parents are not walking in a God-like manner and we seemingly are?? I'm not saying that my mother is un-Godly neither am I calling myself worthy of being totally righteous, but where then do I find a spritual balance between the precepts of God and the limitations of the flesh? So I went back to the bible. There are a ton of passages about obedience and the importance of taking heed of the counsel of parents. My issue lies herein; I'm a committed Christian, which to my mother is just a half baked, 'charismatic' form of worship that is simply unaccceptable; to her its a form of a cult! She is a Bhuddist convert and now an orthodox Anglican. My family are the 'pillars' of the local Anglican church. I was also part of this 'religious' upbringing - the difference to me now is that my 'upbringing' is spiritual and God-led. I'm judged by the way of my heart and not simply by my works.

Try as I might to convince her otherwise it just caused division in an already so called 'Christian' household. It was then that I read a bible verse in the New Testament that my choice to follow Jesus would cause division between brothers and sisters, parents and child; where belief in God is simply religious and not spriritual. The bible further said that i will come under heavy persecution and slander - all of which I did and probably still do from within my family...

Trying to deal with my inner hurts, frustrations and anger about this situation has had a baring on my spirituality and my ability to call myself righteous before God. The fact that my family was not an affectionate one does not help the way I feel toward them. Its been tough trying to forgive...

I do know one thing though, my mother does pray, and I know that somewhere in those prayers out of hurt, anger or is just through pure maternal duty, she still prays for me. And I need to resolve that that is all I need from her. The rest is up to me. I had resolved a while ago that I wasnt going to let anyone or anything come between Jesus and me, and even if it killed me I would choose to do the right thing by God. It doesnt always work; and often you choose the low road instead of the high one. Its times like this that you ask yourself the question 'What would Jesus do?'

Didnt Jesus leave His earthly parents, Mary & Joseph, and follow the instructions of His Father in Heaven? Didnt His earthly parents understand that Jesus had a chosen way to Walk? They did. They accepted it, they even accepted the fact that He would have to die to save mankind. The Mary and Joseph of the bible are real, not fairytale actors and are part of the life of Christ and are no different from parents of today, accept that maybe they were more in tune with God than we are.

My goal is to walk in righteousness as Jesus walked on earth. Do I accept blame for my mother's hurt? Yes, I do. Am I righteous? Yes, because I love Jesus, and the laws He has set before me, and I perceive in my heart to please Him; and I embrace my cross and will rejoice in my trials and persecutions because the Lord said 'I will make peace your governor and righteousness your ruler.'

This does not make me sinless or blameless cos God's Work is in progress in my life but it does make me hopeful, that I will reign in righteousness ordained by God one day, for His Word further says that 'The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.'

'Praise God, for His mercy endures forever'